Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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