I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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