I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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