Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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