Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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