all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
