i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
