tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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