Screwed.edu
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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