My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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