matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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