Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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