I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
