I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
dude. I can hear the air.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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