Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
