Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
