I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
