U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
