I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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