I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
