You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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