it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
