The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
