Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
