M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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