look no pants
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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