well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
