So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
