I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
