i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
