I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
