She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
