if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
