the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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