wanna go halves on a baby?
where am i from again
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
