I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
