Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
well you can't waste a boner
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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