OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
