first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
did i just pee glitter
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
