you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
this hospital has no fireball
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
