Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
