the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
