Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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