My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
soo... how was my night?
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