I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
