Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
