dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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