If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
