I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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