the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
