I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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