Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize