I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
