the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
