We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
