is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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