Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
