just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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