turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
