She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
