I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it's like heaven, but drunker
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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