does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
