but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
