his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she peed on how many people?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
