my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
