Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
