coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
